The 2017 Stephen GW Parker Beach Bocce Ball Blast Memorial Tournament was another GREAT SUCCESS!!! This year, we chose the 1st of July for the tournament. This was an EXCELLENT CHOICE! It happens to also be the 150th Anniversary of the Independence of Canada, the origins of the Florida Parker Clan, so we were very excited to have a dual celebration with a duel of our own. Not only did we come equipped with a variety of Bocce accoutrements, but we also bore the pride of Canada throughout the day from the opening video to the closing award for “The Most Canadian, Eh!” Thanks to everyone who came out and enjoyed the day at the beach and especially to those who handled their set of balls with prowess.
We Celebrated the 7th Annual Stephen G. Parker Memorial Bocce Tournament on the Beach with some 100+ gathered friends, family, and guests – featuring CANADA DAY festivities!!
David (the Younger) produced a short video for party-goers before the tournament began featuring David (the Older) and Marilynn resplendent in red and white CANADA attire, highlighting the connection with CANADA DAY – explaining (to those non-Canadians who didn’t know) this year’s Sesquicentennial significance! Check out the video at https://youtu.be/MfR3gOc7bds.
Chris Parker had his enormous … Canadian flag hung proudly at the Turner’s Beach Bungalow. This flag once flew at the Canadian Embassy in Cairo, Egypt, and, in 1978, shortly afterwards flew briefly on the top of The Great Pyramid of Giza much to the displeasure of the Egyptian government who, in fact, rated it as an “International Incident” between the two countries. At the time, Chris and the flag were forced to “lay low” for some time thereafter.
This event had the unique conglomeration of ALL the David F. Parker clan including Dan & Ashley along with their family up for the event. Truly a treat. During our event, some of the celebrants even broke into impromptu, but rousing versions of “O, Canada,” including many American friends (who reported they were familiar with the words from watching and attending NHL hockey games!) . . .
Many sported Canadian themed Bocce Team-wear – including Canada Maple Leaf sunglasses. We finished the evening with some impressive Fireworks activity provided by party patrons and some neighbors with a penchant for pyrotechnics (but we were shut down by the police as it was late and some local residents evidently complained). HAPPY 150th to ALL FELLOW CANADIANS !!
As per usual, we started the day with an introductory video followed by the S.T.O.O.G.E. (Supreme Tournament Overlord Of Gaming Excellence) randomly picking the schedule for the assembled teams as well as explaining the rules…also, randomly!
After several years of the team of A.M. Lumber headed by Brian James, dominating the competition, they took a year off to allow the other teams to practice for next year. So, there would be NO Three-Peat for them. The wusses couldn’t handle the truth!
The team formerly known as Parkers Pankers and C’Mon Now (winners in 2014) again retired their previous year’s name, “No Sake Bombs, Please!” to compete under their new conglomerate, “Moose Knuckles” which, again, proved to be their unseating. After going undefeated through regular competition, they were upended in the semifinal round on a TOSS OFF! A Toss Off upending the Moose Knuckles. There’s gotta be something wrong with that. The team comprised of David & Emma Parker along with AJ Fisher and Matt “the knife” fell to their knees in agony, or in homage to their new domineers, the Pallino Busters. Pallino Busters were the runners-up in 2016, so it was a fitting advancement for their ball handling skills that they go on to dominate the Sand Goats squad in the finals. Sand Goats was just happy to be there apparently as it was a true blow out.
Congrats to the mighty Pallino Busters for earning the coveted Biggest Balls On The Beach title! And of course big thanks to everyone who brought delicious food, drinks, instruments, balls, friends – everything that has made our big event such a great tribute to Stephen! And, special thanks to CARVE for rolling in with a hummer full of vodka and Dave Parker for the great awards presentation and video! Check out the video at https://youtu.be/MfR3gOc7bds.
The awards were given followed by the Parker Pride Parade led by the mighty S.T.O.O.G.E. and his DICHDDS (Dynamic Intensity Corps of Heavy Drum Delivery Sidekicks). The subsequent consumption of a pile of juicy weiners from the “Host with the Most” concluded the fun filled frolicking with definitive finality. Thanks to the Turners and to RT specifically for being the best S.T.O.O.G.E. known to mankind…and, perhaps the only one. Chris Parker, as the leader of the DICHDDS, should also be thanked for his contribution to the beaches disruptions.
The awards were as follows:
- Smallest Balls on the Beach (Youngest Baller) – Quinn Parker, Age 12
- Balls of Wisdom (Oldest Baller) – David “Flexible” Parker Sr. – 83 years of solid knowledge (a few days short of his 83rd birthday, anyway)
- Virgin Baller (never played in the BBBBA before) – Sabrina
- Sweetest Sack – Buddy Turner
- Master Blaster – Alan Drawdy from the Firecrackers
- Longest Kiss – Dave Harter of HB is FJ! with 48 feet of precarious penetrating puckering
- Juiciest Weiner – Harriett Turner with her pounds of delightful dripping meat
- Savoriest Summer Sausage – Buddy Turner super savory summer sweetness
- Most likely to spell Canada, C Eh? D Eh? D Eh? – Marilynn Parker from Harriatrics for her “O” Canada Face
- Tenderest Baller – Davis takes home the most coveted award which represents all that was Stephen…tough but tender to others’ balls, and, by all means, fun and happy at all times
- Big 8 – Sand Goats for the 1st 8-Ender
- Ball Pride – HB is FJ! (BUT I meant to give it to Super Duper Double Trouble Bubble Ball Buster Blasters, so they get an honorary award for their awesome jerseys)
- Tightest Balls – Moose Knuckles with a tight set placing all 4 of their balls within a 13 inch radius (and still losing the point!)
- Blissfully Beaten Balls (most beaten balls on the beach) – Art Wolves
- Big Balls but not the Biggest on the Beach – Sand Goats who are runners up
- Biggest Balls on the Beach – Pallino Busters for winning the tournament championship
We had such a tremendous set of teams this year with their many lovely balls and sacks, it was hard to fit them all on the beach. Fortunately we managed the tides and tiny beach scenarios, not to mention tiny bikini distractions. The teams battled hard. Here are the final team records as per our S.T.O.O.G.E.:
||5 – 1|
||4 – 2|
|Moose Knuckles||4 – 1|
|HB is FJ!||2 – 2|
|Finkelicious||2 – 2|
|Damn Yankees||3 – 2|
|Super Duper Double Trouble Bubble Ball Buster Blasters||2 – 2|
|Sandy Balls||2 – 2|
|Hariatrics||1 – 3|
|Firecrackers||1 – 3|
|Art Wolves||0 – 4|