Monthly Archives: August 2018

2017-0701-Bocce-TossOff

2018 BBBBA Stephen GW Parker Memorial Tournament Results

It was an exciting affair on a beautiful Memorial Day weekend. The weather was perfect and the play was outstanding. We had the following teams involved for the 2018 Tournament.

TEAM NAME

  1. Finkelicious
  2. Art Wolves
  3. Honey Badgers
  4. Damn Yankees
  5. The Big Labocce
  6. Brew Crew
  7. Sand Goats
  8. Moose Knuckles
  9. Super Duper Double Trouble Bubble Ball Buster Blaster Masters
  10. The Untouchaballs
  11. Big Balderdash
  12. FAB4
  13. Caitlin Jenner’s Balls – The Carve Vodka Team
  14. Fire Breathing Unicorn Ninja Cat Riders

AND THE WINNER OF THE BIGGEST BALL ON THE BEACH IS …

2018-0526-Biggest-Balls-on-the-Beach-Fire-Breathing-Unicorn-Ninja-Cat-Riders
2018-0526-Biggest-Balls-on-the-Beach-Fire-Breathing-Unicorn-Ninja-Cat-Riders

After much speculation surrounding the HB is FJ! team, the Fire Breathing Unicorn Ninja Cat Riders spun off to form their own team while HB is FJ! declined to play for the first year since the start of the tournament. Not only were the HB is FJ! guys losers, but they are now NOT Winners!!!

It turned out to be a GREAT move for the young upstart spin off. They took the title of BIGGEST BALLS ON THE BEACH FOR 2019 with a trouncing of the perennial favorites, Moose Knuckles who have been in the Semi Finals or Finals in the last 3 consecutive years. the Fire Breathing Unicorn Ninja Cat Riders went undefeated on the day and handled most opponents with ease. These guys (and gals) know their balls! Skills! We’re talking skills!

TONS OF AWARDS

2018-0526-Awards-w-David-Parker
2018-0526-Awards-w-David-Parker

But, it’s not all about the Winners here at The Stephen GW Memorial Bocce Tournament. We try very hard to make sure everyone gets a chance to enjoy receiving awards. We had many awards to hand out including the following:

  • Longest Kiss – the longest big ball to small ball kiss of the tournament – though we had several long kisses in the tournament, the 43′ 4″ to kiss the pallino from Jason Bickerstaff of the Honey Badgers was the most impressive shot.
  • Master Blaster – represents the best single blasting shot of the tournament – Robi Torelli shared his magic touch with us mortals.
  • Blissfully Beaten – this is sometimes a less coveted award with the winner being the team who loses the most, but when we add a bottle of our Sponsor CARVE VODKA to it, people are clamoring to lose – the Art Wolves took this coveted award.
  • Team Ball Pride– awarded to the team with the best togetherness in showing off their team spirit either through team outfits or team actions or some other means – the Super Duper Double Trouble Bubble Ball Buster Blaster Masters took this award easily with their colorful handmade tie dyed shirts. GREAT JOB BLASTERS!!!
  • Big Balls, but not the Biggest – this goes to the runner up in the final – again, this goes to Moose Knuckles … ever the bridesmaid, never the bride!
  • The BIG 8 ENDER – for the first team to close out an opponent with a score of 8. This was given to Finkelicious for their dubious end to the Damn Yankees.
  • The Money Shot – this is one of the most coveted awards for a single shot in the tournament encompassing a true craziness – thanks to Josh Silcox from the Untouchaballs for spewing his exuberance over the tournament.
  • Smallest Baller – to the youngest player in the tournament – thanks to the Fire Breathing Unicorns for contributing their youngest girl.
  • The Sweetest Sack – goes to the individual with the best looking containment device for restraining their giant balls – often going to Chris Parker with his lovely holder, but this year to Don Waltz of the Honey Badgers for bringing a savory sack.
  • Tenderest Baller – for the person who encompasses all that Stephen ever was, a competitor who cherishes victory but cherishes others more – this went to Amanda Miles from Super Duper Double Trouble Bubble Ball Buster Blaster Masters. Thanks for being so nice, Amanda.
  • Tightest Balls – awarded to the team who groups their balls within the tightest, and possibly most uncomfortable, radius from the pallino – the Honey Badgers brought their balls together for a meeting of the minds at 1″ in radius. Incredibly uncomfortable!
  • Virgin Baller – to the one who brings the freshest untouched balling to the beach. So many have never been touched before, and it’s time to change that. This went to the Fire Breathing Unicorn Ninja Cat Riders’ own Miranda Davis.
  • DFP’s Balls of Wisdom – the award that goes to the Oldest Baller on the beach, traditionally David F. Parker, is now named in honor of his tremendously wise balling knowledge. This year, it went to Ol’ Uncle Glenn “The Grizzled” McFadden of the Sand Goats who is truly well aged meat.

POST TOURNAMENT AWARDS

These are awards handed out for things outside of the actual tournament. While the playoffs are going on, we have a few external competitions for those who aren’t involved in the post-play. Everyone gets a shot at these, but only one will win:

2018-0526-Team-Spirit-Award-winners-Bubble-Blasters
2018-0526-Team-Spirit-Award-winners-Bubble-Blasters
  • Team Ball Pride– awarded to the team with the best togetherness in showing off their team spirit either through team outfits or team actions or some other means – the Super Duper Double Trouble Bubble Ball Buster Blaster Masters took this award easily with their colorful handmade tie dyed shirts. GREAT JOB BLASTERS!!!
  • Best Ball Handler – juggling the big balls – Jess won this, but she ran off without collecting her prize, so AJ Fisher from the Moose Knuckles went home with the bottle of CARVE VODKA prize as the best of the rest.
  • Master Tosser – closest one shot to the pallino – Mike Smith managed a tremendously close shot for this one. Such a good tosser! Nicely tossed!
  • Juiciest Wiener – the award that goes to the lady with the most drippingest and juiciest wiener, Harriett Turner!
  • Savory Summer Sausage – the award that goes to the guy with the best looking hot dog, Buddy Turner.
  • The Sweetest Sack – goes to the individual with the best looking containment device for restraining their giant balls – often going to Chris Parker with his lovely holder, but this year to Don Waltz of the Honey Badgers for bringing a savory sack.

POST TOURNAMENT FOOD AND PARADE

2018-0526-STOOGE-Parade-with-the-DICHHDS
2018-0526-STOOGE-Parade-with-the-DICHHDS

Don’t plan on leaving early. We have food and drink for everyone (though we encourage everyone to bring some of their own stuff). Oh, and don’t forget to bring your hats and your instruments for the big Parade led by our Samurai STOOGE and the DICHDDS (Dynamic Intensity Corps of Heavy Drum Delivery Sidekicks) crew.

We have so many great sponsors for this tournament that we are thankful for (don’t feel like we couldn’t use more sponsors, so feel free to contribute your donations as you will, there’s always room for more people and companies to be promoted at our event which continues to grow and get more better and even more better better).

Thanks to the following sponsors for contributing so much to our tournament:

Carve Vodka of Jacksonville, Florida

CARVE VODKA – now in their second year of sponsorship, they provide bottles of their delicious Carve Vodka product for our consumption. Don’t leave for the parade without it!

Gusto Italian Restaurant of Jacksonville Beach, Florida

Gusto’s Italian Restaurant – in their first year of sponsorship, they provided a supply of awesome pizza for the hungry group of bocce ballers. Delicious and very much appreciated!

Veterans United Brewery of Jacksonville, Florida

Veteran’s United Brewery – another first year sponsor helped us out tremendously with the donation of a delicious keg of their very popular Raging Blonde beer. Not only was it loved, it was floated!!!

Republic National Distributing Company

Republic National Distributors – we enjoyed the benefits of this first year sponsor in a cacophony of yummy wine and beer for the tourney attendees. Drink to your heart’s content (and it was content)!

Panera Bread at St. Johns Town Center

Panera Bread – our connection to the local chain paid off with bagels and other pastries for the early morning crew. Carbing up is critical!

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2018-0526-Emma-Chris-Bring-Hats-and-Instruments-for-the-parade

If you want to help us out in 2019, please contact us directly. We are always looking to help out our local community and enjoy working with anyone who might want a good way to reach out locally with our crew. We consume a lot and will reiterate over and over again how we appreciate you.

If you want to win in 2019, good luck. Bring it in 2019…or go home!