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Balls in the air for the 2014 Stephen Parker Memorial Bocce Tournament

2018 Bocce Ball Beach Blast Stephen GW Parker Memorial Tournament Entry & Information

THE OFFICIAL STEPHEN G.W. PARKER MEMORIAL BOCCE BALL BEACH BLAST ASSOCIATION
2018 REGISTRATION FORM & RULES

TOURNAMENT DATE: May 26, 2018
REGISTRATION DEADLINE: May 22, 2018
LOCATION: TURNER ESTATE for STEPHEN TOURNAMENT ENJOYMENT (T.E.S.T.E.)
BRING: BEVERAGES AND BALLS (not necessarily in that order), and DON’T FORGET THE BALL SACK to COMFORTABLY REST YOUR SPHERES (& there’s an award for the Best Sack!)

Complete the 2018 Stephen GW Parker Memorial Bocce Ball Beach Blast Tournament Registration_Form and send registration form to our esteemed Ball Master and ultimate S.T.O.O.G.E., Rob Turner, at robrturner@cableone.net as soon as possible.

Bocce Ball Beach Blast Tourney Award - 2017-SweetestSack

Bocce Ball Beach Blast Tourney Award – 2017-SweetestSack

We have awesome awards such as the Sweetest Sack award, so make sure to purchase yourself a nice sack to rest your balls comfortably in while awaiting the beating they deserve.  We have both individual and team awards, not to mention the coveted BIGGEST BALLS ON THE BEACH award to the winners, so be ready to EARN IT or go home with a sad sack.

Registration forms must be received no later than May 22. Please provide a phone number and email address of the Team Captain. Also, include additional email addresses if you want teammates to receive tournament correspondence.

Watch this year’s and some of our previous BBBBA Videos to acclimate you to the Beach Bocce environment:

The Stephen G. W. Parker Bocce Ball Beach Blast Association.

The Stephen G. W. Parker Bocce Ball Beach Blast Association.

If you want to play but don’t have a team just enter INDIVIDUAL for team name and we’ll find you a team! There are always teams looking for players.

KEY INFORMATION:

Rob Turner - 2015 - STOOGE - Parade Leader with his DICHDDS (Dynamic Intensity Corps of Heavy Drum Delivery Sidekicks) leader, Chris Parker.

Rob Turner (2015) , our S.T.O.O.G.E. and Parade Leader with his DICHDDS (Dynamic Intensity Corps of Heavy Drum Delivery Sidekicks) leader, Chris Parker.

Don’t forget to bring your Post Parker Play Pride Parade Pounding Parts to join the S.T.O.O.G.E. as he leads our DICHDDS (Dynamic Intensity Corps of Heavy Drum Delivery Sidekicks) on a tour of the beaches area with the utmost volume and gaiety, a gaiety that knows no bounds.

We currently have the following teams registered.  If your team name is not on this list, be sure to contact the S.T.O.O.G.E. directly.

TEAM NAME

  • Finkelicious
  • Art Wolves
  • Honey Badgers
  • Damn Yankees
  • The Big Labocce
  • Pallino Busters
  • Sand Goats
  • Moose Knuckles
  • Super Duper Double Trouble Bubble Ball Buster Blasters
  • The Untouchaballs
  • Big Balderdash
  • Lords Of Sunlight
  • FAB4
  • Caitlin Jenner’s Balls

We would like to send a LOUD SHOUT OUT to our sponsors of this year’s tournament:

  • Carve Vodka in Jacksonville, FL for providing the Nectar of the Gods!
  • Veterans United Craft Brewery, owned and operated by veterans here in Jacksonville – our official BEER sponsor and purveyor of the RAGING BLONDE!!!
  • Gusto Italian Restaurant in Jacksonville Beach, Florida
    • Our official food provider, Gusto, has also announced that they are hosting the World Cup Games live from 11am on with $8 Pizzas, Calzones, & Strombolis and Happy Hour Drink Specials.
    • Gusto will also be celebrating their 3rd anniversary party on the 19th of June in a major blast with food and drink for everyone to enjoy as well as LIVE Music.  Click here for more.
  • Republic National Distributing Corporation of Jacksonville
  • Panera Bread at St. Johns Town Center
Veterans United Brewery of Jacksonville, FloridaCarve Vodka of Jacksonville, Florida

Gusto Italian Restaurant of Jacksonville Beach, Florida

Republic National Distributing Company

Panera Bread at St. Johns Town Center

 

Balls in the air for the 2014 Stephen Parker Memorial Bocce Tournament

2014 Bocce Ball Beach Blast Tournament Winners, Wieners, and Awards

The 2014 Stephen G. W. Parker Memorial Bocce Ball Beach Blast Tournament was another nail biting ball busting bonanza of a competition.  The Wieners, and Award Winners have been declared, determined, and defined.  HELL NO! was NOT the cry this year as, “HELL, YES!”, the upstart newcomers, C’MON NOW! screamed in to the final with an undefeated record and took the perennial favorites, Hell No!, out on to the tidal flats where they were able to smoke them like a ripe discarded half-smoked half extinguished moistened filter cigarette carelessly discarded near a receptical feigning environmental concern.

Last year’s dominators led by perennial Hell No’er, EJ, came up through the ranks as expected bending, if not breaking, the Murphy Rule of out distancing the competition.  Thought the complaints were enumerable, Hell No! continued on their merry destruction on in to the final.  But, it was not to be as C’Mon Now! with heralded leader, Jackie Parker, took the match to the flats where her impeccable bowling skills proved no match for the big strong drunken tan rolls of solid muscle from Jax Beach.  The 4th Annual Tournament Championship drew little drama as the bashing was complete in a 14-2 romping of last year’s winners.  C’Mon Now! is declared the winner of the 2014 Tournament and proud owner of BEST BALLS ON THE BEACH!!! Well done to the mixed team of Jackie, David, AJ and Matt from Atlantic Beach.  The battle of the beaches is ON!  C’Mon, Now!!!

Hell No! headed by perennial champion baller, EJ, quietly succumbed to the massive ballers from Atlantic Beach who proved to be tremendously accurate at kissing the balls from great distance on the tidal flats which were fully low at the time of the final.  Once the pallino was relinquished, Hell, No! could not get back in to their favorite soft sand areas.  Though the loss was excruciatingly painful to Mr. EJ, he was found to be happily drowning his sorrows nearby at the beer stand within moments. Hell No! relinquished the coveted Best Balls on the Beach award certificate to C’Mon Now! but declared they will return in 2015 with more meat and better strategy in the finals.  C’Mon Now! received the award and a basket of mini-bottles of alcohol which they promptly consumed, but not before being crowned The Stephen GW Parker BBB Champs for 2014.

But, there were many other winners on the day, not to mention a plethora of fine Buddy Turner tastily toasted wieners being consumed. While the wieners were going down, we gave out the following prizes:

  • Longest Kiss – Jacob Parker who gently caressed his ball against the pallino through 55 feet of sheer pleasure.
  • Virgin Baller – Kathleen for her heroics as a first timer on the dismal Waltz Team.
  • Tightest Balls – Team Finkelicious for the tightest grouping of balls by a team around the pallino at a cluster of only 14 inches in diameter.
  • Master Blaster – Naomi Larrabee Smith was given the honor as many teams reported her continuing success at blasting things up at opportune, or maybe, inopportune times.
  • Money Shot – Jacob Parker again was awarded this coveted prize for specifically turning his game up to maximum caress for sheer pleasure on many occasions.
  • Juiciest Wiener – Harriet Turner once again exhibited her prowess in procuring the plumpest pile of peckers you ever placed on your palate as Buddy was more than happy to toast his tasty classics for your juiciest pleasure.
  • Sweetest Sack – Chris Parker arrived with a brand new carrying device which we deemed was aptly sack like though not traditionally so.  He was deemed to have the sweetest sack with her classic crate of balls from Stephen’s collection going old school.
  • Most Beaten – The Sand Goats managed to have the most beaten balls at the beach with no wins mustered.
  • Hell No! – this award, named after the famous line EJ received on the beach by some passing babes, is awarded to the biggest Crash and Burn player. Don Waltz took home the honors this year for having assembled such an abysmal group of Tossers.
  • Youngest Baller – Aiden Jones represented the youngest baller on the beach having played with his balls in nothing less than a prepubescent professional at 11 years of age.
  • Oldest Baller – No one can seem to supplant the elder statesman, David F. Parker, as he took home this honor yet again. We will have to recruit some guys from Fleet Landing or somewhere to usurp his status.
  • Sportsmanship – this is awarded to the person who exhibits true sportsmanship in the manner that our beloved Stephen GW Parker lived his whole life. This year’s award went to our Australian first-timer, Bonnie Wilks, who was visiting on her way to the northern reaches with her parents and long time Egyptian friends, Doug and Nikki Wils.  Stephen would have been highly approving of this award.
  • Best Ballers – C’MON NOW!!! Nice ball control!

Fun was had by all and all had fun. Look for more posts in the coming days and for photos to be coming soon.

Thanks to everyone who participated or came out to cheer on the participants. And, thanks to the Turners, one and all, for their gracious contributions.